Say What You Mean, and Mean What You Say!

"If you can't be direct, why be?" - Lily Tomlin

When I read this quote, I immediately thought of all the women I coach. I'm constantly saying, "Quit beating around the bush trying to be a nice girl. If you want to be heard, you have to "say what you mean and mean what you say." Then low and behold, I saw this little nugget of wisdom, from Lily Tomlin no less, one of the greatest women comediennes of our time. She really must be into liberating women from the old stereotypical molds if she writes statements like this!

Beating around the bush and never coming straight out and asking for what you want only serves one purpose - it flushes out any stray animals that might be lurking in that certain piece of shrubbery! I know I've said it often enough, but it bears repeating. "Say what you mean, and mean what you say."

There are at least two current generations of us women who have been trained in the art of sugar coating and what I like to call verbal dancing. We 'dance' around the subject we most want to discuss, thinking that the other person will get what we are alluding to and eventually we will get what we want. NOT! The only thing you get from a conversation like that is frustration. It doesn't matter that the other person might be our partner or business associate; we still camouflage our words with honey so they can slide into the ears of the listener more easily. Heaven forbid we rock the status quo by actually saying what we REALLY want to! After all, how could we survive should that other person not like us after they find out what we REALLY think? Here's a better question for you. How's that sugar coating working for you?

Listen up ladies because I've got something to say to you here! Every time you sugar coat or dance around an issue, you diminish your capacity and self worth. You give away your power, your integrity, and your dignity. And most of all, you wind up being frustrated, resentful, and resigned because you're not getting what you want. You don't have to be and act like the 'good ole boys' to get where you want to go. You can be yourself. Be the feminine woman that you are, be direct, and be taken seriously when you say what you mean and mean what you say.

I have another newsflash for you ladies! This is 2008, not 1898! Our role in society has changed from being that subservient, co-dependent, clinging vine that our mothers and grandmothers were expected to be. It is time for us to claim our birthright - to one of being an empowered woman, stand in our dignity, own our power, and have our opinions matter. Instead of being filled with anger and resentment because we feel we haven't gotten our fair shake in the world, why not stand up and stake our own claim to greatness? And I'm not just talking about becoming the President or CEO of a huge corporation here. I'm talking about standing up and 'being' important in our own lives - of mattering to ourselves!

It is up to us to make the choice to quit spinning our words out of fear of repercussion, to calmly and clearly stating our wants and desires without fear of rejection from others. I know it can be done. I learned how to be direct and say what I mean, and so can you.

This week, I want you to ask yourself these 2 questions:

1. What is the price I pay for sugar coating my conversations?

2. Is that how I really want to spend the rest of my life?

Simply being you may not always be the easiest road to travel, but it is whole lot less exhausting!

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Lynne Mctaggart